7 Years Feels Like Yesterday

Monday, March 29, 2004 will forever be ingrained in my head.  It's the day my entire world was flipped upside down and feelings I didn't know I could feel flooded my heart. For my own healing i'm going to tell the story of that day. I must give a warning some parts of this may be difficult to read.

I really should start with the night before. I remember everything vividly. Sunday afternoon after attending a Baptism for a little boy I know in Houston, I made my way back to Dallas. My friend Roxy called and wanted to meet up at Fridays for dinner so I did. As much as I love my friends, I do wish I would have taken that time and just gone home. I finally got home around 8pm and Dad was sitting at the computer. He was very excited because he had just won an auction on Ebay for a Harmonic Balancer for his Mustang. I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch while he and Robert hung out and talked cars. I finally woke up around 10pm and Robert went home. I headed up the stairs and stopped halfway and ran back down to hug my dad. I hugged and kissed him goodnight and told him I loved him.  Thank God I did, I had no idea it would be the last time. We both headed to bed.

Monday morning started almost like any other. Typically my mom was home but she had taken a much needed vacation with her good friend to California. My sister, as usual, had left for school very early for drill team practice so it was just Dad and Me. Around 8:40ish I went down to my car to get my bag from Houston so I could get ready for school. I was a freshman in college at this time. I noticed that my Dad wasn't at his computer, which he usually was, but I didn't think anything of it. I thought he was sleeping in. I should have known then something was wrong but I didn't. I went back upstairs and got ready for school. Around 9:30am I came down and went to tell him bye and that I was leaving for school. I said to him "Dad I'm leaving" as I walked around the corner into his room. I got no response. I saw Rufus (the dog) sitting on the bed and immediately told him to get down before he got in trouble. He wouldn't listen to me so I walked around the bed and pulled him off. It was then that I noticed something odd.

My Dad was laying on his back and I noticed what looked like bruising all along his side. I started laughing at him and telling him "Dad you have a rash." He didn't wake up. Again, I said "DAD, wake up, you have a rash." It still hadn't crossed my mind that something might be wrong. I walked around to his side of the bed and put my hands on his chest to shake him and wake him up. The next 20minutes were the slowest 20 minutes of my life. His body was ice cold and like rubber. I knew then that he was gone. I ran to the kitchen to get the phone and called 911. I told them over and over my dad was dead. The 911 operator asked if i could do mouth to mouth on him and I told her I'd try anything but that it was too late. I stood there crying not knowing what to do. I was all alone. No one was there to help me. After what felt like forever the doorbell rang. It was the police. He asked me to take the dog into the living room and wait out there. I asked him if I could call my boyfriend. He said yes. I called and got no answer. So I called his mom. She answered and I told her that my dad had died and I was alone could she come up to my house. Her, Robert, and his Dad all came. The police officer came back in the living room and told me there was nothing he could do. My dad was gone. I knew it already but that made it more real.

I knew I had to start making phone calls and get my sister out of school. This proved to be quite a challenge. I tried calling the number my mom had left to reach her but I couldn't get her. I had to call my Gma (mom's mom) and my aunt, who lived in CA, whom my Mom was going to be visiting that day and no one could reach her. Finally, she called my Dad's cell phone. Not because of missed calls, she was just calling to talk to him. I answered and she said "Why are you answering your dads phone" I told her she should sit down and that I was really sorry but daddy had died. She didn't believe me and I just kept saying "I'm sorry."  I asked if she wanted to speak to the police officer and she said in not so many nice words, YES!  I handed the phone over and the officer delivered the news that it was true. Honestly, I can't imagine what it must have felt like to be my mom right then. I was a hot mess but that was her husband! My heart still aches for her.
The next step was getting my sister out of school. I called the office and told them that Roberts Mom was going to come get her because our dad had just passed. The office lady was so rude! She asked if she was on the pick up list and I said no, but no one that is can come get her. The only ppl on the list were mom, dad, and me. Mom was in Cali, Dad well that's obvious, and I coudln't leave bc I had to deal with the police and everything else. She said only approved people could pick her up and I remember yelling at the lady. "My dad just died and my sister needs to come home lady! The police wont let me leave and i'm the only one on the damn list!" At that point the police officer got on the phone and said he'd rather not send police escort for fear of startling my sister and said they needed to release her to Lynn's care. The obliged.

I dont remember much of what happened between then and her finally getting there. I know I called more people, I went outside and sat on the driveway. My friend Roxy and her mom came and Roxy gave me a pack of cigarettes to calm me down. Everything else happened so fast. My dads best friend came, a family friend from down the street came, the forensics van came, the coroner came, there were people everywhere. My sister finally got home and I ran to her and hugged her. She was crying so hard. She refused to leave school until Mrs. Wheeldon told her what was going on, so she already knew when she got home. She asked if she could go see him and they told her yes. I went with her. We walked in the room and that was the first time I saw him after finding him like that. I remember his hand being cupped perfectly to where my hand fit like he was hold it. I held his hand for a minute and then left the room. We went back outside and they put him on the gernie, put him in the van, and drove away.

After that everything is a blur. I know some counselor from the police station came to talk to my sister and I. My mom was on the next flight home. Tom (Dad's bff) asked if he could stay for a bit and of course we said sure. Bria and I decided to leave and go to Roberts house with his family. I called in to work and asked for a temporary leave to handle things with my family, they were great to me and gave me all the time I needed. when my mom got home I went home and I remember nothing except her fainting. That scared me so bad I ran out of the house and up the street. The next few days are all pretty blurry too. I know we picked out the casket, made funeral arrangements, and I said I wanted to do his eulogy. He had two funerals. One here in Dallas and one back home in IL where he was finally laid to rest.

It's been 7 years today and I miss him terribly. I know in my heart he is in a better place in Heaven with our Lord Jesus Christ and that is comforting to an extent. He was a good good man and I can't wait to be with him again! RIP DADDY! Always loved, never forgotten!