I'm feeling very discouraged. I'm hoping that if I get it out in the open and off my chest it will make me feel better and tomorrow I will be able to get back in a good routine. I've been on this weight loss journey since... well since I had my son 4 years ago really but got back to being serious about it July 30, 2012. Since then I've lost around 30lbs. Since I hit that 30lb mark I feel like I've been slacking. I got content and now i'm paying the price.
My workouts are going fine. I'm still doing Insanity, although the feeling of not wanting to do it is creeping up more and more frequently but I continue to push through and when I haven't pushed through I can always count on my husband to push me. Tonight was one of those nights. I was so tired, from my lack of sleep lately, that I decided to sit and watch American Idol instead of work out. By the time he got home it was almost 9pm and as I finished up my show I said well I guess I wont do my workout. I was using him being home and in the living room as an excuse. He said I couldn't skip it and went and cleaned up some space in our son's playroom for me to workout. Without him I probably would have skipped it. I have asked him to hold me accountable so he's not being rude like some girls would feel if their husbands stayed on them to workout. I asked him to do this bc I know there are days that I will be less motivated than others. Anyway, my point is it's happening more and more and I think it's really a result of not getting enough sleep but regardless I'm doing them. I'm also moving more at work, taking walk at breaks, taking the stairs, parking further, I even started doing a different set of quick exercise for every bathroom break (10 squats, 10 jumping jacks, planks, etc... in my office not the bathroom lol). So, my activity really isn't the issue. I'm working out fine.
Working out is fine and dandy but it's really just spinning your wheels if you're following it up with a good diet. My diet is ok. I've been trying to eat more clean but that's so confusing and restrictive I just don't know about that BUT i'm trying. Breakfast and lunch are a piece of cake for the most part... Dinner... not so much. Again the problem goes back to being tired. I usually try to get home with enough time to do my workout before having to go pick up my son. So I do that and then go pick him up around 6pm and then get home and have to make dinner. Some days on my way home from getting him I decide we should go out to eat. I do it with ever intention of getting something healthy and sticking within my points (i'm on weight watchers too) but when I order what comes out of my mouth... or goes in my mouth rather... is not at all what I had planned. I just need to stop going out but I get so burnt out cooking meals and then having to turn around and clean it all up! UGH it's so frustrating! But then I look in the mirror on the days I don't eat well and all I see is a fat stomach. It's literally like my stomach grows 3 inches of fat after one meal that's not perfect! Having a dang c-section doesn't help matters bc now that they cut through my lower abdominal muscles it's so hard to tighten that up. I have days that I look in the mirror and i'm so proud of what I've accomplished and then I have days like today where i'm disgusted with whats still there. Why can't I just focus on the positive!
I have been doing so well for so long that I think people just expect that I'm doing great. People are constantly telling me how much of an inspiration I am and how they wish they had my motivation and I keep thinking to myself, I love that I'm having an impact on people and inspiring them but man sometimes that's a hard thing to carry around with you. I feel like I have bottle up that i'm struggling sometimes bc I don't them to not be inspired anymore or something. I don't know... it all seems very strange and quite selfish as i'm typing this. The truth of the matter is I am struggling. I'm struggling to find my motivation to do get through one whole week being good with my diet. I'm struggling to find my energy to just live life. I'm struggling with anxiety over the future being unknown after hubs graduates. I'm struggling to find a balance between what I have to do for myself and what I need to do for my son. I focus more on working out and getting by body in shape than I do on playing with him and spending time with him. I feel like if I ease up on myself I'll fail... AGAIN... bc I have so many times. I just dont know how to find the time to do everything. How do I get enough sleep so that I'm functioning enough to do my job well (literally my job job the one I go to every day), workout, spend time with my son, keep up with household chores, and keep my mind right all at the same time? I can't manage my time well enough for this and I feel like i'm losing my mind. I'm exhausted.
Now I sit here frustrated that it's 11pm, I just finished my workout and immediately started writing this. I still have to go shower and make my lunch for tomorrow so that i'm not running late again in the morning. I have to make sure everything is ready for Joshua's school day tomorrow. I wont be in bed until after midnight and will be back up at 6am to start all over again. I don't really know what the point of this was except to get it off my chest. I just feel like I dont have time to do everything I need to do for myself and everyone else that needs me. Being a mom and a wife and woman trying to be more fit is exhausting!
Good Night!
PS: Sorry for the grammatical errors... i'm far to tired to mess with editing this right now.
Just keep pushing yourself. the slump will pass but you gotta keep pushing. not for everyone else but for yourself! you can do it!
ReplyDeleteEverything you are feeling is natural in a weightloss journey but it does sound like your schedule needs tweaking so that you can get more rest.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried pre making your dinners on your day off? I know it's a lot but you only cook and clean up once. Perhaps give it a try.
Keep going, get more rest, and don't be so hard on yourself. You will get through this slump and continue on.